A Little Something for Davo

I was reading an article in The New Yorker about studies of language cognition in African gray parrots (see "Birdbrain" by Margaret Talbot in the May 12 issue) when I came across a little something my dear friend Davo would appreciate.

The author was discussing the results of ape-language studies and how the apes could not form complicated combinations of words when communicating. To illustrate her point: "And, when [the apes] produced a longer utterance, it tended to be a string of repetitions of the sort rarely encountered outside a Gertrude Stein poem. (A quote from Nim Chimpsky: 'Give orange give me eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you.')"

I'm not sure whose brain is harder to understand -- the chimp's or Stein's.

Most Smartest HR Quote of the Day #3

Truly, I would quit my job but for the sources of post-worthy material.

One of our manager's has some challenges when corresponding with customers and must submit letters to HR for approval. I nearly laughed so hard I fell out of my chair.

The premise: a transaction was completed incorrectly and the manager had to write a letter of explanation to the customer.

The result: muddled information with an enclosed "recite" for the transaction (rather than the "receipt" that most of us would want) and the priceless quote:

"...please except my apologies for any incontinence this may have caused."

I'm curious to know exactly what kind of transaction could cause me to wet my pants. Did it scare me? Surprise me? Excite me? I just can't imagine, but I'm pretty sure I would indeed take exception to whatever went on.

Why I Watch Letterman and Not Leno

Maybe you can chalk it up to me being a fan of smart arses from Indiana (see post titled "Sprinting to Hell with Jim Gaffigan"), but I think it's more than that.

I have to admire a man that can work the following two items into the first half hour of his show.

1) When referring to Hillary Clinton's claims to be pro-gun while campaigning in Pennsylvania: If she was really a fan of guns, Bill would be dead.

2) When giving advice to Jenna (Jena? who really cares how you spell it) Bush's fiance re: getting along with Daddy Bush: Avoid topics that will make him uncomfortable like Iraq, the economy... and his general stupidity.

What a guy!

Most Smartest HR Quote of the Day #2

Another quote from the intelligentsia:

"I was looking at our Dental program, I didn't understand the part on orthodonics. Dose it cover $1000.00 or not? I will be signing up for insurance and was wandering."

What I wanted to reply but didn't: "We don't cover orthodonics because they don't exist nor do we cover orthodontics."

At least the employee isn't singing up for insurance. Oy.

Sprinting to Hell with Jim Gaffigan

How to Tell When Your Cat's Mad at You

No one would say that my cat is sweet (except for my mom -- but she's a bit delusional when it comes to her perfect children and beyond-perfect grandcats and granddogs). He's come a long way in that you can pet him three times before he tries to bite rather than immediately trying like he used to. The only time he pretends to be sweet is when he wants fed. When that doesn't work, he tries to trip whoever is walking through the kitchen, and eventually wraps his paws around your ankle while nipping your Achilles tendon. At any rate, I digress. Long story short: my cat is neither shy nor is he hesitant about expressing himself.

Tonight we shared a new experience. I was at work until 6:45, came home for about 10 minutes, and then spent the next four hours at my father-in-law's. Apparently, that did not afford Mr. Precious adequate me-time. When I sat at the desk to check my emails and do various other things on the computer, he climbed up in the chair behind me. He does this occasionally as sitting on my lap is *completely* out of the question. Instead of settling in behind me per usual, however, I received a pretty good chomp on the behind. Now, I'm no animal communicator, but I'm pretty sure that means, "I'm unhappy with you."

So, to any pet owners out there: beware and don't neglect your four-legged furry ones. Or at least watch your back if you do.

Most Smartest HR Quote of the Day

I get to meet the smartest people working in HR.

Today's quote from an insurance agent: "My requests for information from [insert insurance company here] have fallen on deft ears since March 17."

Oh, my kingdom for a six-figure salary and talented ears...